Tagged: break-up

Armor

I’d wrapped my heart in armor
long before I saw you as
anything more than a friend
who had  a crush.
Before you’d ever
called me beautiful
my heart was more
warrior than lover.

Something in you
opened pieces of me
that I didn’t believe existed.

I’d been broken.

The hardness made it
impossible for me to know how to love you,
but you showed me
it’s possible
for me to put myself out there
and fall in love.

 

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Bars

And then I met a guy
who is taller than you
more handsome than you
with more money than you
and less drama than you
he seems sweeter than you
and neater than you
and he keeps calling me beautiful
like you used to do

my mind keeps wandering back to you
afraid to take the drink he offers
in fear of disrespecting you
as if you even care

 

In my dreams

at night
after drunk-stumbling around the town
pretending everything is fine
I dream of you

and I don’t want you there
but I don’t sleep unless you’re there

Next to me
in my dreams

 

Red Carnations

He gave me flowers once,
red carnations

to say he loved me
and to say he was sorry
for the women who clouded his mind
while I dreamed of
the forevers we’d spend together.

I think he wanted to love me
and he wanted to treat me right
and I never wanted to let him go
and I wanted him to show up with more flowers.
Perhaps those flowers could remind him that he loved me
and perhaps those flowers could remind me that I loved him
and perhaps our love could pull us through the pain of wandering eyes and insecurities.

Flowers can do that, you know.

That day he gave me flowers
we made love
like before I knew there were other women
like those women didn’t matter
like they were just a phase that he’d grow out of.
That day he gave me flowers
he didn’t seem ashamed
or embarrassed
only proud to have brought happiness back into our love.
That day he gave me flowers
I felt like we could make it past the hurt
and to forever.