Tagged: writer

Suicide

I thought I’d love him forever
so I tried
to never take his harshness personally
then one day
a piece of me died
alongside my friend.
Harshly.

And for the sake
of saving face
bravado entered the room
as my heart moved in a new direction
boldly,
lacking sympathy
and I realized

His heart had wrapped itself
in harshness
and no matter how much
he loved me
(if he’d ever even loved me)
we’d never be what I’d hoped for.

To Fall

Once the sun scorched
upon my shoulder
and I adored it
and cherished it so much

And it was delighted.
So delighted
that it painted the sky
the hue of autumn melons

Then I reached
to kiss it
and to love it
and to embrace all of it

And it became a season new
and I stood the calmest still
and shed my leaves

Bars

And then I met a guy
who is taller than you
more handsome than you
with more money than you
and less drama than you
he seems sweeter than you
and neater than you
and he keeps calling me beautiful
like you used to do

my mind keeps wandering back to you
afraid to take the drink he offers
in fear of disrespecting you
as if you even care

 

In my dreams

at night
after drunk-stumbling around the town
pretending everything is fine
I dream of you

and I don’t want you there
but I don’t sleep unless you’re there

Next to me
in my dreams

 

Red Carnations

He gave me flowers once,
red carnations

to say he loved me
and to say he was sorry
for the women who clouded his mind
while I dreamed of
the forevers we’d spend together.

I think he wanted to love me
and he wanted to treat me right
and I never wanted to let him go
and I wanted him to show up with more flowers.
Perhaps those flowers could remind him that he loved me
and perhaps those flowers could remind me that I loved him
and perhaps our love could pull us through the pain of wandering eyes and insecurities.

Flowers can do that, you know.

That day he gave me flowers
we made love
like before I knew there were other women
like those women didn’t matter
like they were just a phase that he’d grow out of.
That day he gave me flowers
he didn’t seem ashamed
or embarrassed
only proud to have brought happiness back into our love.
That day he gave me flowers
I felt like we could make it past the hurt
and to forever.